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Everyone's talking about it . . .

"Warden! Who let this man in here?"
Mr J. Archer Esq.

"I don't know if you smoke much hemp, young man, but pass me the hubbly bubbly . . ."
Lewis Carrol
"What do mean everything can only add up to one? Are you ridiculing my life's work?"
"Somehow Canterbury always seemed closer. Tell me again, you call them . . . roadworks?"
"Book? Release the dogs and remove the glove from my claw . . ."
M. Thatcher
"Go away. You are neither funny nor informative."
Charles Darwin
"I don't know why you're still laughing."
St Peter
"It's going to be very difficult to base a civilisation on it, but you're right, it is lighter to carry."
"You call this a book? It's nothing but a paragon of silliness that is a waste of good paper that could otherwise have served a useful purpose, such as arrest warrants for yobs."
Letter to the Daily Mail
"Excellent. A damn fine read. We always suspected this . . . ."
Paraniod Conspiracy Association Monthly
"Two pounds of apples? You gotta be kidding. Tell you what son, you look a bit hungry. I'm know I'm a fool to myself. How about half a pound of overripe tomatoes and a bag of manky oranges for the book?"
Bloke on Catford Market
"Yes, very funny. Now, when are you going to get a proper job?"
The author's wife
"Yes, it looks very nice. I'm sure it's very good. Now about that proper job . . ."
The rest of the author's family

It's the latest thing . . .

"If this book doesn't win every major literary prize it will only be because it's not very good"
William Shakespeare

"You may regret this later"
"If you don't go away right now I'm going to call the police"
London Publisher
"Excellent. A damn fine read. We always suspected this . . . ."
Paraniod Conspiracy Association Monthly
"Hang on, sod the book. What's that you said about the earth being round?"
"How did you get this number?"
Tony Blair
"Ha, I've written pamphlets bigger than that"
"I laughed so hard my leg fell off"
Captain Long John Silver
"I laughed so hard my arm fell off and my eye fell out!"
Lord Nelson
"Of course I was talking about the book. Which fool said it was about the end of the world?"

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If you would like to add a review please contact my secretary who will advise you. OK, I know it sounds like it's just me putting on a high voice, but it's not. Honest, you can trust me I'm a writer. I have whole teams of people here slaving away. No, really, I do. There's so much commotion I don't know how I have the time to write. It's all clatter, banging, and shouting all day, the phone and fax never stops ringing, people rushing about. Honestly. No? Sod you then, send an email:

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